Copywriting Case Study: How I Rewrote a Bed Company’s Subject Line
“Meet the Bed.”
Terrible subject line for an otherwise excellent company.
Hey, I like the bed. My wife and I are in the market for a new one, and the company’s ethical, minimalist, and easy-to-assemble construction had me reaching for the wallet.
But the email was so weak it dissolved in my inbox. No benefit to me, the customer. No hook. No value.
So I fixed it.
I read customer reviews (including negative ones).
I scoured the company's website.
I studied their product pages to the letter.
I even read the comments underneath their social media ads.
I wanted to know: What are customers and prospects saying about this bed? What about it is most valuable to them?
And how can I lift that benefit in the subject line and the rest of the email copy so that it gets warm prospects to open the email and seal the deal?
I made a list of the most valuable benefits.
Then distilled those benefits and came up with fresh email copy.
Old Subject Line: Meet the Bed.
New Subject Line: The last bed you’ll ever need to buy
Subject Line Scores
I ran both subject lines through CoSchedule’s useful Headline Analyzer tool. Here’s what I got:
Old Subject Line: 26
New Subject Line: 72
The old subject line reflects a low score because it doesn’t contain any emotion, doesn’t arouse curiosity, and promises no benefit.
The new subject line does all three of those things, however, which is reflected in the score.
Plus, the new subject line also gets a 37.5% emotional marketing value score—a decent rank when it comes to headlines.
35% of people open emails based on the subject line alone. Write a dud, and you just wasted hours of effort for nothing.
The bed is a great product, but if the email copy doesn’t meet customers in the bedroom, they’re not going to open the email, and they’re not going to buy.
Simple as that.
Who Else Wants a Free Email Marketing Assessment?
Found this helpful? Email me for a free email marketing assessment! I’ll identify the opportunities—and expensive weaknesses—in your copy, completely free.
